Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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