dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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