I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
