I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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