the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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