nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we have pet lesbian snakes
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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