If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
