are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
