Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
