do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
