dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
