I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
