smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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