Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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