We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
