She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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