My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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