you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My ass is underappreciated
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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