i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
