She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
