i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
