A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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