He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
