I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
