halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
