We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
