Pappa wants mamma naked
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
