i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
