I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
