my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
