i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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