One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
