Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need Xanax blowdarts
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
