hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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