She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
