absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
