Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
