The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
