My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
