I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
