Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
