Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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