Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
