so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
