She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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