I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
