I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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