I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
