ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
