i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
