just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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