the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
